Prayer

when bowing your head to pray

do not pretend about anything

for this is not a place for actors

you are not on stage awaiting your next line

 

this is holy ground

take off your shoes

and be you

 

if you have doubt,

say it

if you are angry,

say it

if you don’t believe,

say it

if you feel like he has forgotten you,

say it

 

do not fake faith in this moment

 

be who you are

where you are

 

lies are unbecoming

and do not convince you or God of anything

dishonesty has no place between you and a deity

He loves doubters and believers the same

as long as they are genuine

 

Besides,

you cannot lie to a holy God

He already knows

 

be like the Roman soldier

who half-heartedly wanted a miracle

(don’t we all half-heartedly want a miracle)

match your words to your heart

“I believe, help my unbelief”

 

when the truth is spoken,

it will feel foreign

but it will free you to feel whole again

this is the language of holy love

speak it boldly with a humble heart

 

leave your pretense and “suppose to be” outside the door

for intimacy without honesty is cheap and unfulfilling

a one night stand

 

prayer and God are too holy for that

you are too holy for that

 

be who you are

where you are

 

and God will reveal who he is

where he is

in return

Day 7: Esther (Unfinished)

This poem is highly vulnerable for me since it’s written about my grandmother who recently died.  It’s not finished and may take me a while to finish it.

(Sung) K-k-k-katie Beautiful Katie, You’re the only one that I-I-I adore

On 660 Avenue G

In small town Boulder City

this songs rings out

in a sight voice

from a small woman

rocking a five year old me

her soft hand caressing my soft hair

hugging me on her lap

and I never felt so happy

so pretty

so loved

(Sung) When the m-m-m-moon shines, over the cowshed, I’ll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door.

Sitting by my kitchen door

I hear her voice

sing those word

as I hear the news

she’s gone

and I cry

the kind of tears one sheds

for the death of childhood

She was more than my grandmother

she was my champion

and everything good I remember about being little

Day 6

Love me,

Love me,

Please go ahead and love me

Love me for who I am and could be

Instead of all I’m not

 

See me,

See me

Take a moment and see me

See deep into my soul and heart

Instead of all my faults

 

Pick me,

Pick me

Will someone just pick me?

Pick me and make me belong

Instead of all alone

 

Believe in me

Believe in me

Promise to believe in me

Believe that I am extraordinary

and I promised I will be

Day 4

When I was just little girl

I kept Jesus in my pocket

with Barbie’s hair brush

and my glitter pen to write down lyrics

Because kids always keep the best and most precious things on them

for fear of them becoming lost

 

But just like so many accessories, poems, and hair ties

Jesus was constantly misplaced

I could never remember to take good enough care

My valuables were never valued

Until I couldn’t find them anymore

And like any good kid, the tears would come

and my heart would break over my stupidity and carelessness

because my actions and heart never matched

I cared but I was careless

 

And while I’d like to think things have changed since I was seven

That I have changed

I keep forgetting Jesus

the way I forget that dollar bill in my jeans

only to find it (and him)

when something needs to be cleaned

 

So

here I am

crying childlike tears

trying to find what’s precious

again

Day 3

Tired

Scared

Slowly I am fasting and drowning in a rerun of thought

the remote is out batteries

and I am too lazy to make the channel change myself

 

Will this ever get better?

Or will I

and this

stay stuck in neutral

Not good

Not bad

Just nowhere

Just beige

 

I want what’s missing

I just don’t know what color that is

so how can you get what you don’t know what you want

when you just know it’s not this