Last Night, This Morning

After posting last night, I had trouble sleeping. I was contemplating my sinful nature and the sermon from Sunday. Overwhelmingly, I often let my flesh win in the battle of sin. The sum of unhealthy things I have let into my life started to really bother me last night. I hate that I have seen things that mess with my mind. I hate that I have done things that have changed the course of my personhood. I hate that I have led people in the past to sin instead of to righteousness.

Last night, I wept bitterly like Esau and asked God to help renew and cleanse my mind and heart of the past sins. I continued to weep because it really hit me that these experiences and sins I have committed can never be undone. Heavy right? As my pastor often says, “Don’t you wish sin looked as bad ten minutes before as it does ten minutes after.” These fleshly things we do, while can be forgiven, can often have eternal consequence (not to mention physical consequences). We have no idea what we are doing to our souls. Last night was the first time in a long time where that was felt tangibly for me. It was devastating yet wonderful. It hurt to realize the way I have mocked God and damaged my soul, but it was wonderful to need God and actually turn to him.

Now before you get your knickers in a twist trying to figure what big sin brought me to my knees, DON’T. It wasn’t that I was sinning hugely. It’s just the weight of knowing my sin finally hit me. That’s all.

Then this morning, I woke to very little sleep trying to figure out where to go from here. I started to seek out Godly media choices and tried to get some work done. And God met me. “Seek me with your WHOLE heart…” He wasn’t kidding. Two pieces inspired me and started to lead me to a place of moving forward. I have listed them below. Please check them out. I am going to try to write on these later. Try being the key word.

Inspiration of the day:

The Butterfly Circus (Short Film)

Concrete Part 1 (Sermon)

I would love to hear what you think of these.

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2 Comments

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  1. Is there another way to see what you are going through? Is there a reason for it. Most of all is there a lesson to be learned from this? I would say move forward and make your own decisions. Know that you’re destiny on earth is not to live in a state of suffering. The flesh is only a temporary pit stop and meant to be transcended.

  2. You are already moving forward, because the first step you have taken is to recognize in the state you are in that we are all sinners. and yes we know that but we brush it off so easily, but where God has you know I believe is where we recognize how much more we need God DAILY because we are sinners.

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