New Work… What to Say

Been awhile since I have mustered the strength to write what I am going through. I took a moment and reflected on where I am. I have been struggling to put into words the destruction left in the wake of someone leaving you. Here’s a start…

UNTITLED

She says happiness is a good color on me

“I didn’t think you would be so open again after he left” she reminds me.

Laughing graciously

and think, “Sister you haven’t a clue”

 

Most days I distract my pain

If not with work,

then with friends and activity

or tall men with strong arms and bright smiles

Hoping I’ll forget

That my bed is empty when I return home

There is no love waiting for me

He took what little I had left

 

But if I dwell too long on the empty remains of us and all it means

I will drown in tears

And no one wants to touch wet grief

 

So have learned to become the mistress of deceit

An expert of misdirection

Lying with smiles and curled hair

Mascara and poetry

Posting only good thoughts

Perfectly framed moments where I barely exist

 

And yes it looks good on me

Because the alternative is a dark only I can stand to see

I reserve that for long drives home

Saturdays wasted in depressive sleep

Moments when I hold my breath under the bath water

Wanting to never come back up

Because one more inhale means I can feel it all over again

 

And I do feel it all over again

 

Instead I rouge my face with this shade of ok on my cheeks

Paint my lips pink lies

Line my sad blue eyes with sex and distraction

 

Swipe right

Drink my wine

Soak in this man whose kisses do not belong to me

 

And be the best damn actress you’ve ever seen

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